The Other Shoe

As human beings, we have the amazing ability to rebound from terrible things. I have a patient, I love her to death. This incredible woman has been through so much.  In a few short years, she lost her mother, two fiancees, and most recently her only daughter.

Despite all of this, she gets out of bed in the morning. She takes care of her dad and her son. Believe it or not, she still smiles sometimes. I admire her so much. The fact that she had had to bury so many people that she loved in such a short period of time, and yet she survives. It is truly a testament to the strength of the human spirit.

Sometimes, when life gives us a blow, we fall, we scramble back onto our feet, but even though we are upright, we are now tense, guarded. We are waiting for the other shoe to drop. We have lost our faith. Not totally, our else we would still be on the ground, but we are not the same.

Any woman who experiences a miscarriage will tell you that subsequent pregnancies had her living in fear. Living, yes. Going through the day to day, but with that nagging fear constantly in her mind. What if it goes wrong again? Its sad, because her innocence is lost. She had lost the ability to enjoy her pregnancy without fear.

I can't eliminate this fear. When I get pregnant again, it is something I have to live with. But, I make the vow here and now to do everything in my power to keep that fear from keeping me from enjoying my pregnancy. Because, I don't think it will hurt less if I'm resigned to something going on, and I do know that if I spend my whole pregnancy anxious about a complication and having everything turn out fine, that that will be 9 months I spent worrying for nothing when I could've been enjoying it.

So, I'm going to ignore the other shoe, keep my head up, and keep moving forward.