Miss You

I was at the drug store today, and they have a big display of Willow Tree carvings. If you've never seen one before, they are beautiful! I've always wanted to have one, but I wanted to wait until a special occasion or something of that nature.

I look at them every time I wait for my prescriptions. This time, one in particular caught my eye. It was a lot smaller than the others, a little child. You can't really tell the gender, it could be a boy or a girl. It is holding a little balloon, and inside the balloon are the words, "Miss You".

For me, the grieving process leaves me with one lingering emotion. I miss them. I miss my grandpa. He passed away almost 4 years ago, and I still have days where I want to talk to him. I don't feel as sad as I did anymore, but there are still times when I see my grammie in the kitchen, or sitting on her rocking chair reading a letter, and I feel like I could turn around and see my grandpa there, in his cherry red jazzy chair, with his big blue eyes and his infectious smile, ready to tell me another story or fact. Then my grammie would look up and smile, not her regular smile, but her special "I love you more than words can say" smile. The smile I have on my face when I see Eric sitting on the floor playing with the dog, or sleeping peacefully in the early morning. I miss Kat. I sometimes go to rehearsals just to watch, and I feel like she should be bouncing through the door, ready to sing the verse again or do that dance move again. Her smile immediately lighting up the room. And, I miss my child. I watch the weeks go by, thinking I should be 8, 9, 10 weeks along. Wondering what symptoms I would have, wondering what preparations we would be making. Even though it was horrible, I miss the nausea. I miss the smells. At work today, my supervisor said it smelled funny. She found some rotting strawberries in a garbage bag by the scales. I couldn't smell them until I was right next to the trash bag. If I was still pregnant, I probably would've smelled them when I walked into work.

The "What If?" is the worst part. I could lay awake all night playing that game. But, it doesn't change the fact that important people in my life have moved on from this life. They are healthy, and hale, and dancing and singing with the angel choir. And, when I miss them, when a tear escapes my eye, when my due date comes and goes, I can look at this little statue, and feel their presence around me.

The statue with a picture out of our wedding album.

With a bridal shot. The card reads, "In my thoughts, In my heart"

The top of the entertainment center with it's new addition.

My sister-in-law, Katie, also got a Willow Tree carving today to remember her angel baby, Porter. Hers was sent from a dear friend who is currently living in Brazil, so it has traveled a long way to come to Katie's home. Because, no matter how much time has passed, Katie will always miss her baby Porter. She will find that she can go days, weeks, maybe months without crying over the memories of him, but the longing she feels to have, hold, and raise her baby will never go away. She also has casts of his hands and feet, and a couple of beautiful necklaces so she can wear his name close to her heart. And now, she has a little carving, and when she looks at it, she can feel close to him again.