Things I Have Learned

Although it is not possible for us to understand why God gives us the trials he gives us, it is possible to look at the difficult times in our lives and see what we have learned from them. Not everything comes at once, sometimes it takes months or years to figure out the lesson. Here are a couple of things that I have learned.

From my divorce, I learned that you cannot control other people. That the people you love in your life aren't perfect, and never will be perfect. That in a marriage, you have to wake up every morning and decide to spend one more day with that person. That sometimes that decision is so easy, we don't even think about it, and some days it is a conscious effort to live with someone else. I learned that what makes a relationship strong is shared experiences. I learned that I would rather have a rational, perhaps a little intense conversation with my husband than get into a real fight. I learned that sometimes, it's OK to want to be alone. I learned that I am capable of living on my own, that I am strong and capable of anything I put my mind to.

From my marriage to Eric, I learned that laughter is the best medicine. That music is food for the soul. That morning showers are essential to a happy day. That while we may disagree about raising the dog, we always find a compromise. That waking up to a house with a warm, sleeping man and a warm, sleeping dog is the best way to wake up. That blanket fights CAN be resolved! That after a long, stressful day, I can come home and put my head on that special place on Eric's shoulder, take a deep breath, and all of my stress melts away. That men will blame the dog for the nasty farts, and sometimes women do too. I learned that a man who does the dishes after dinner can expect some delicious "dessert". And, sometimes he doesn't even have to do the dishes! I learned that rather than fighting over the setting of the thermostat, I can just put on some sweatpants and socks.

From the death of Kat, I learned that you need to live every day like it's the last day. That you always need to tell people that you love them when you say goodbye. That its not a bad idea for a 21 year old to jot down some ideas for a funeral, just in case. That people are good, and families are eternal. That God grants peace and strength to all who ask it. That praying for someone else can ease your own burdens. That spirits are among us, they watch over us, and protect us. I learned that our lives are a test, and that God has bigger, better plans for us in the afterlife. I learned that when a person dies, we need to remember that we not only lost them is this existence, but they have lost us too. I learned that I will see my friend again, and that we will sing together again. I learned that melody and harmony are the same as faith and love, because while the melody is beautiful by itself, the harmony enlarges it.

From the loss of my child, I learned that I am able to get pregnant. I learned that while my husband may not show or talk about his hurt, that he is still grieving. I learned that Eric will be strong for me, even while his heart is breaking. I learned that every pregnancy is a blessing, that every successful pregnancy and delivery is a miracle, and that every child is God's most precious gift. I learned that prayer works. I learned that I have amazing friends who love me and will support me through anything and everything. I learned that I am too proud, that I want to do things on my own and sometimes, it is not a bad thing to ask for some help. I learned that a good night's sleep works it's own miracles. I learned that sometimes, strangers can offer comfort. I learned that I am strong. And, most importantly I think, I learned that I can be a mother. That I have that love in my heart, that capability. That from the moment I knew I was pregnant, my life changed in ways I cannot describe. It's like a new pair of glasses. The world was beautiful before, but you put them on and everything is clearer, sharper, more wonderful that you can even imagine. I know that when God chooses to send a precious soul into our care, I will understand what an amazing gift he has given me, and my sweet husband. It is amazing how much you can love someone you have never even met before.

I have learned so much over the past couple of years, and I look forward to more years and much, much more understanding to come!