Difficult

Life is difficult.

That is an understatement.

A gross understatement.

There aren't words to describe fully how hard life is. You have to experience it, and the more you experience it the worse it gets.

Remember when you were 5, and the worst thing that ever happened to you was mom took your favorite toy away? And you thought you would die? Or when you were 15 and your parents were yelling at you for something you did (and I still maintain my innocence!) and you thought you would die? Or when you were 17 and your mom wouldn't let you have the car, and your boyfriend dumped you, and you thought your life was over? Every time, you survived, and every experience you could look back and say, That sucked, but compared to what I'm going through now it was nothing!

I might be young, but that is all a matter of perspective. To my 9 year old baby brother, I am SO OLD, and to my great grandparents I am still a baby. And the interesting thing is that never really changes. Perhaps the percentage of people younger than you steadily increases while the percentage of people older than you steadily declines, but the way people think is unchangeable. So, even though I haven't lived very many years in time, I have had a lot of experiences in my life that other people could never claim to have in their entire lifetime.

So, perhaps again this is a matter of perspective, but it seems that as I age, my resilience is in decline. I have better coping mechanisms now, and they are getting easier and easier to implement, but I guess it feels like I am more distressed about things and for a longer period of time than I used to be. Again, this may be a matter of perspective. Our brains like to gloss over the minute by minute details and just give us an overview in retrospect. That's why women keep having babies, because they forget the minute discomforts that make them swear up and down they will never have children again and they can only remember the good things. Which is a good thing, or we as humans would have died out years ago.

Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail about the current situation, firstly because it makes me mad to talk about it, and secondly because it isn't necessary to get my point across. Also, it's not really my story to tell. Suffice it to say, we are going through a family crisis that has been prominent throughout our marriage, and actually even a couple weeks before our marriage, and it doesn't involve Eric and I or our relationship in any way. The stressors are exterior to us as a couple. However, they are of a nature that could be detrimental to us if we allow them to divide us.

I am proud to say that throughout this crisis, we have stayed strong. Yes, we have had rocky moments. Yes, the stress is taking it's toll. Yes, it is affecting essentially every facet of our lives including work. And, most importantly, it shall pass. Not any time soon, but the dust will settle and leave the land of our lives scarred with the wounds of battle, some of which will be permanent, others that will gradually fade.

I love my husband. I hate the difficult things in life, but they bring us closer together as a couple. Comfort in the long term equals stagnation and decay. We cannot live our lives without the occasional upheaval and turmoil. I remember when I was younger and I thought that I would reach a point in my life where things weren't difficult anymore. How very wrong I was.

But, we keep moving forward. We push, we struggle, and we wade through the murky waters of life to achieve our eternal goal. And I couldn't have picked a better companion to do it with!